I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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