on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
