my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
