I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
