This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
