I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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