There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize