Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
