she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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