My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
