I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
