from now on my penis is your penis
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
