Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
