She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
