I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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