Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
