did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
