just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
