Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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