Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Be still, my beating vagina.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
