He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
