I can tuck mytits in my pants
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
