you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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