He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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