Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize