I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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