With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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