So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
