I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize