Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize