so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
