I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
