if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
