Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
