DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
