No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
