Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
