I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
