no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
