Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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