Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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