I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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