I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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