Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
