Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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