Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
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Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
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Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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