He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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