I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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