I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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