I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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