I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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