My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
