i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
