Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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