her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize