my soul wont recognize me after tonight
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
