butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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