Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize